So, three weeks ago, my life got flipped-turned upside down. I decided to take another step in faith and take steps to go to Kenya. But, I had three weeks to get it all together. I started a website and wrote my first blog. Then, I wrote a letter and sent it out to over 175 people. I applied for my visa to Kenya, bought a text book, got another Typhoid vaccine shot, and met with some old friends. But do you know who got all the money together for me? Do you know who got the doctor (that I haven’t visited) to call in a prescription since you need one of those in MO for Typhoid? Do you know who let my visa be accepted only 3 days after I applied rather than the possible 3 weeks? Jesus.
Jesus did all the things. Every step of this trip, I’ve seen Jesus in action, Jesus making things happen for me. Proof that I’m going the way Jesus wants me to go. But, you see, I’m more like Julie Andrews.
What will this day be like?
What will my future be?
It could be so exciting,
To be out in the world,
To be free!
My heart should be wildly rejoicing.
Oh, what’s the matter with me?
I’ve always longed for adventure,
To do the things I’ve never dared.
Now here I’m facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?
(Training in little Kenya)
What’s a fearsome about that?
Oh, I must stop these doubts,
All these worries.
If I don’t I just know I’ll turn back!
I must dream of the things I am seeking.
I am seeking the courage I lack.
I’ve been wounded before. I’ve been hurt. And the last 6 months of hurt was too much. I started defending myself so that I wouldn’t get hurt again. I stopped caring. When you don’t care, things don’t hurt. But they aren’t exciting either. There’s no joy. But, did I mention there’s no hurt? I kept putting myself out there, thinking that there might be joy in it, just to have it turn to hurt. So, I’m struggling to find the courage to believe that Kenya could actually be a good thing, even with all these positives happening before I get there.
But, you know what? Jesus came so that I could have life and have it to the full. And he’s been sitting next to me, the whole time saying, “look at this. Ooo, look at this! See what I can do? How about this?” And I’m so glad that even though there’s a war going on in my head, my feet are still following Jesus. Because doing what Jesus wants me to do, that’s what makes me a success, right? That’s what I’ve been preaching the last year.
So, in two days when I step on that plane, my song will not stop at the first half, but will continue til the end.
With each step I am more certain,
Everything will turn out fine.
I have confidence,
The world can all be mine!
They’ll have to agree
I have confidence in me.
I have confidence in sunshine,
I have confidence in rain.
I have confidence that spring will come again!
Besides what you see I have confidence in me.