Blog Log

Yesterday, I went on safari at a national park near where I’m staying here in Kenya. It was amazing. You drive in and within the first five minutes you start seeing herds of live animals you never see in the wilds of America. We saw zebras and antelope first off in the distance. Then, one of just a couple of the rhinos that the park has, he just walked by us like no big deal. We had several cars pass by us afterward stop at our open windows and ask if we saw the rhino and where it was.

Then came the water buffalo and the VeggieTales song runs through my head. But before it’s gone, we see a herds of zebra right on the road. Then a group of giraffes off in the distance eating their breakfast. We see a couple of crazy looking birds.

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And the great victory of the day was the lion laying three feet off the road, who posed for minutes for us to take her picture. Then she lead us down the road before she slumped off into the tall grass where we could no longer see her.

It was beautiful. We got to watch the sun rise. See all the life that God created, living so freely. So freely that this park doesn’t actually have fences, so if the lion wants to wander the five miles to my front door, she could. Every new site was like, “Wow, isn’t God amazing?! They are so unique!” And its true, he created them all. And they’re all different. And they all have ways to protect themselves that he sorted out so they could continue to live. And they don’t all eat the same thing so that the food doesn’t run out. And the birds take free rides on the backs of the buffalo to eat the bugs there.

But then, we see our 10th herd of zebras and it’s just like, ok, more zebras. And the antelope all look the same after the 100th one. And the wide open plains blend together. And I become immune to the beauty Jesus created. How many times does that happen in our lives? How many times do you wake up before 6 a.m. and don’t even look out the window to see the sun rise anymore?

Jesus, let me never grow immune to you. I want always to be amazed at your great work. Don’t let the world get in the way of the world – of the creation – of the beauty – of your beauty. You never grow stale. You aren’t dull. You don’t look the same after we’ve seen you 100 times. All the uniqueness you created, you’re more unique. I pray that my brain stops forgetting that.

Just wanted to send a quick update that I made it to Kenya! I spent what felt like hundreds of hours on a couple different airplanes, but I landed to smiling faces and kids with big imaginations making it all worth it.

Today, I start training. Training my eyes to pick up the new sign languages I’m exposed to. Training my body to respond to cultural greetings and cues. Training my innards to accept new food. Training myself to sleep through the night. Training my brain about all the ins and outs of language survey. And training my spirit to listen when Jesus calls and move when he tells me to move.

Just writing that makes me tired, ha. But, Jesus. He fills me up. Gives me strength. Makes me new. The same power that rose Jesus Christ from the dead lives inside me! (I’m an adult, I can do this.)

So, three weeks ago, my life got flipped-turned upside down. I decided to take another step in faith and take steps to go to Kenya. But, I had three weeks to get it all together. I started a website and wrote my first blog. Then, I wrote a letter and sent it out to over 175 people. I applied for my visa to Kenya, bought a text book, got another Typhoid vaccine shot, and met with some old friends. But do you know who got all the money together for me? Do you know who got the doctor (that I haven’t visited) to call in a prescription since you need one of those in MO for Typhoid? Do you know who let my visa be accepted only 3 days after I applied rather than the possible 3 weeks? Jesus.

Jesus did all the things. Every step of this trip, I’ve seen Jesus in action, Jesus making things happen for me. Proof that I’m going the way Jesus wants me to go. But, you see, I’m more like Julie Andrews.

What will this day be like?
I wonder.
What will my future be?
I wonder.
It could be so exciting,
To be out in the world,
To be free!
My heart should be wildly rejoicing.
Oh, what’s the matter with me?
I’ve always longed for adventure,
To do the things I’ve never dared.
Now here I’m facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?
(Training in little Kenya)
What’s a fearsome about that?
Oh, I must stop these doubts,
All these worries.
If I don’t I just know I’ll turn back!
I must dream of the things I am seeking.
I am seeking the courage I lack.

I’ve been wounded before. I’ve been hurt. And the last 6 months of hurt was too much. I started defending myself so that I wouldn’t get hurt again. I stopped caring. When you don’t care, things don’t hurt. But they aren’t exciting either. There’s no joy. But, did I mention there’s no hurt? I kept putting myself out there, thinking that there might be joy in it, just to have it turn to hurt. So, I’m struggling to find the courage to believe that Kenya could actually be a good thing, even with all these positives happening before I get there.

But, you know what? Jesus came so that I could have life and have it to the full. And he’s been sitting next to me, the whole time saying, “look at this. Ooo, look at this! See what I can do? How about this?” And I’m so glad that even though there’s a war going on in my head, my feet are still following Jesus. Because doing what Jesus wants me to do, that’s what makes me a success, right? That’s what I’ve been preaching the last year.

So, in two days when I step on that plane, my song will not stop at the first half, but will continue til the end.

With each step I am more certain,
Everything will turn out fine.
I have confidence,
The world can all be mine!
They’ll have to agree
I have confidence in me.
I have confidence in sunshine,
I have confidence in rain.
I have confidence that spring will come again!
Besides what you see I have confidence in me.

When God calls, I move. That’s how I measure success.

Three days ago, I had a Skype meeting that ended with my life completely turned upside down. Before 8 a.m. on Thursday morning, I was nannying, helping move family members to new houses, and planning trips to visit family in the spring. Then, at 9 a.m. I was in a crazy spin of “What do I do?”

Last September, I felt a nudge from Jesus that said, “Apply for this job.” And so I did. And then, since last September, my life has been on “hold.” The company I was applying with strung things out and I didn’t find out until January 3 that I did not get the job. So, between September and January, I continued my life and fell down an evil spiral of restlessness that lead to me not giving a crap anymore. But, I knew I wanted to care. I wanted to be present; and, deep down I knew that Jesus didn’t give up on me. But when I felt that nudge again at the end of January, I hesitated. It was telling me to email some old friends and see if they needed any help, if I could intern with them, or something of the like. But my mind was warring – “Jesus, are you going to put me on hold again? Are you going to string this out just to tease me? Are you telling me this just to test my obedience?” Well, I didn’t do anything about the nudge. Until a few days later when I was talking with a friend and I felt the nudge again. And so I drafted an email with the final lines being: “I’m sure I have more questions, but I knew I needed to send this email before I chickened out, ha.”

You’ll never guess what happened. Ok, you probably can. Less than two hours later I get an email back that says, “Wow! We have been praying about and looking for help in this area. Thanks for not chickening out–your timing is amazing!” We set up a Skype meeting that ends with my friends inviting me to Kenya to join them in a training program so I could go on a survey trip in the fall, partnering with DOOR to continue to go on survey trips.

So, here I am, making websites and buying tickets to go to Kenya in three weeks for a month and a half.

God moves, I move. God stays, I stay. I follow the nudges and I win. I’m a success. The same can be true for you. Listen, follow, success. The world (including the evil, lying voice inside your head) doesn’t get to determine your success.